Month: June 2016


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For the record, I never wanted a smart phone. I was fine with the simplicity of my phone that I had to slide open to answer. I didn’t mind that I couldn’t check my email 24/7. I didn’t care that when I sent a text message there were no emojis to add expression and pictures to my words.

Somewhere along the way I caved into peer pressure. There was an old, unused smart phone that sat in our kitchen drawer for over a year. My husband nearly gave up asking me if I wanted to use it. Mr. Technology found it hard to accept that I was completely satisfied with my no frills phone that’s sole feature was to make and receive phone calls. Imagine that! Oh, how I long for those days again.

Now I have an iPhone like the rest of the world and although I’ve had it for quite some time, I still don’t know all of the features it offers. All I know is that it stresses me out a bit, or at least one feature does, and her name is Siri.

Siri and I do not have a good relationship. We are not friends. At the moment, Siri and I are barely speaking. I never knew a phone could have feelings but I could swear Siri is passive-aggressive. Some days she pretends like she can’t even hear me. It’s like when I tell one of my children it’s their turn to take out the kitchen garbage. No response. Or when I ask my husband to get something out of the attic for me. Crickets.

Certainly by now Siri should be recognizing my voice and “getting to know me” as Apple advertises. We’ve been in a relationship for a couple of years so how do I not take what she does or does not do personally? Hard to believe I’m offended by a handheld computer. I should have been born in the 1800s! These are just some of things she says to me.

When I ask Siri to call my husband she always responds, “Which husband?” Not only should she know I only have one husband, by now she should know our anniversary date, how he proposed, and how many children we have.

Once I asked her for directions and after driving for over an hour she said, “When you reach your destination you will have to get out and walk.” I believe that’s why I asked her for directions in the first place. The purpose was to arrive by car not on foot!

Granted I may be a little geographically challenged but when I ask Siri for directions home, she should not ask me “which home address for Lisa Baniewicz?” I only have one home.

It’s getting worse. I knew our relationship really took a dive this past week. While out of town I missed an exit and needed directions. I have no idea what Siri thought I said but she literally responded, “Well, you’re certainly entitled to your opinion.” At that moment I was not only dumbfounded that some how I managed to offend a phone, but also convinced Siri definitely hates me.

My relationship with Siri is hanging on by a thread. It’s rocky to say the very least. I’m contemplating going back to my now out-of-date, no thrills phone. For now instead of enduring her smart remarks, I changed her voice to the male version. Maybe he will be nicer to me.

(First published in the Atchison Globe 5/21/16)