Money Back Guarantee

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Dear Jillian Michaels,
I purchased your exercise DVD called “30 Day Shred” just over a month ago. I had a high hopes. You promised me I would be “shredded” in just 30 days and lose weight. For some reason I still can’t see my abdominal muscles. Are they still there after childbirth? All I see is a pooch (and I’m not talking about my puppy) and love handles. And no one informed my hips I’m not pregnant anymore and my baby is almost 4-years-old!
Maybe the promises in the DVD are geared more toward non-child bearing women. My body has not been the same since baby Baniewicz number four. (My children are numbered because I can’t remember their names.) The reasons my body might be disobeying me could be my age (gravity is no longer my friend), lack of discipline to exercise daily (I’d rather check email for thirty minutes instead), and this chocolate chip cookie dough addiction I’ve suffered from my entire life. It just calls to me. It might also have something to do with this erratic chocolate craving that came out of nowhere a few years ago. Does that normally happen when women turn 40? I never understood it before and suddenly I’ve joined those women who can smell a cocoa bean from miles away. What’s wrong with me?
If I were to be completely honest, I have to admit I haven’t done the workout for 30 consecutive days. This could certainly be slowing down my results. Maybe I’m more the “shredded in 120 days” type, although I’m not holding my breath. If I’m going to be entirely honest, I have to confess I haven’t made it past level two. I’m frightened to advance to level three guaranteeing the “highest level of intensity” (pain, agony … whatever you prefer to call it). I believe during the level two workout I recall you saying, “I want you to be hating life right now.” Really? Is that what you want? Because that scares me. Does it mean level three might actually kill me? In the beginning, after having completed level one, I couldn’t walk down the stairs without saying, “Ow, ow, ow,” with each step. I need to be able to care for my children after exercising. That’s non-negotiable.
With that said, I think it’s in my best interest to ask for a refund. Isn’t there some kind of money back guarantee? Why don’t I look like you or those other two seriously toned women in the video with rock-hard abs? My only other thought is that you come over to my house everyday and make me workout. I’ve heard from friends you’re extremely motivating on that TV show, “The Biggest Loser.” Maybe I just need you live and in person in my living room. Although I’m not entirely sure how much more pain I want to endure, check your calendar. See if you have 30 consecutive days to give me your undivided attention. Have your people call my people (which in my case means any of my five children or my husband), and we’ll set something up.

One thought on “Money Back Guarantee

    joni vollmer said:
    February 24, 2012 at 8:34 am

    So true sister!!!!

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