Month: October 2010

Super Powers

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Super Powers

Lisa Baniewicz
Full House 

Superman can fly and lift heavy things, while wearing a really cool red cape. He can even see through things. Mrs. Incredible can stretch herself until she resembles a pancake, then return to her curvy figure right after. Even her red polyester shirt doesn’t sag. Wonder Woman can catch bad guys with her gold rope, while wearing super cool, red high-heel boots (Her feet have got to hurt by the end of the day!). And what’s with all the super heroes wearing red? There seems to be a theme.
Although these powers may come in handy for them, as a mom, they aren’t what I’d pick. If I could pick one super power, it would be bilocation. This would be the ultimate definition for the term “Super Mom.” Think of all the things I could accomplish!
I could be grilling chicken or cooking dinner in something other than a slow cooker, while at the same time, dropping my daughter off at volleyball practice. My family could actually eat before 7 p.m. every night.
In “Toy Story 3,” Mrs. Potato Head lost her eyeball at Andy’s house. Even though she was away from his house, she could still see what was going on in the home. It’s kind of like she bilocated. Think of the money I’d save on babysitting. I could be at home with the kids, while my other self was out on a date-night with my husband. I’d be able to see who really broke the lamp when I was gone while I slowly sipped a glass of wine at my favorite restaurant with my hubby.
Accomplishing several errands in one day would be so simple. I could be at the grocery store, then the library, all while folding clothes at home. Cleaning the house, company for dinner at the last minute … bring it on! I’d even have free time at the end of my day. I’d be able to watch a complete movie before falling asleep or read a great book before midnight.
It would be so nice to help my children with homework during daylight hours. I could help a few of my children with their schoolwork while driving my son to football practice. I could even stay and watch him! The coach would be shocked. I’d also be able to pick up all my children on time. Since some of them have practices that finish at the same time, no one would have to wait for me.
Maybe I could even get an early workout in at the Y while I slept in at home. After eight hours of sleep, I wouldn’t be sleep deprived any more. My husband would wonder why I was being so nice instead of crabby (this is getting better by the minute). The possibilities are endless.
The only problem is, I have no idea how to actually get this super power. I’ve never had a fairy Godmother appear, a genie pop out of a bottle, or anything of the sort. But in history, there have been people who have had the capability to bilocate. I know there are saints, monks, and mystics who were able to bilocate, but I haven’t a clue as to how they received this gift. Sadly, as my family knows, I’m far from sainthood (Is there option B?). This super power may be seriously out of reach, but I refuse to give up. Maybe I just need more red in my wardrobe like Superman, Mrs. Incredible, and Wonder Woman. Living in Kansas may help. Maybe I’ll borrow Dorothy’s ruby red slippers and try clicking those glittery heels three times. If it doesn’t work, at least I’ll have some really cool new shoes.

Compliments of The Atchison Globe